4 Ideas To Give Adolescents Independence By Setting Limits
When adolescence arrives, it is important to give adolescents independence, but always without exceeding the limits they have set. It is a difficult stage that requires the understanding, patience and affection of the parents.
Parents have to support them, but always maintain a firm position, as this will make everything much easier. If, in addition, since they are little we have established a healthy emotional bond, everything will be better.
Give independence to adolescents: a stage of constant change
If during adolescence a boy feels loved, he will be more tolerant, he will have greater confidence in others and in himself, in addition to being much more capable of facing the adversities that he encounters, since adolescence is a stage of constant change.
These changes are not only on a physical level, but also on a personality level and in relationships with others. Parents must show understanding with them and with these changes they are experiencing. If we don’t, they may have challenging and oppositional attitudes, be more introverted and reserved, and not tell us about their problems or difficulties.
It is necessary that we give adolescents independence, but without going beyond the limits that we have established. The normal thing will be that they try to overcome them and some conflicts arise because of that. In this sense, we must be flexible, but firm; They are creating their identity and they need to take charge of their life, and we need to allow this to develop their confidence.
Tips for setting limits and giving teens independence
At this stage it is very difficult that there are no discussions ; They cannot be avoided, as they are part of deep relationships and often run in the family. But this is normal. To resolve these conflicts it is important to understand the position of our children.
Talk about feelings, don’t judge them and let them tell us; all from the calm. Sometimes we can prevent some discussions from arising by avoiding direct confrontation. We can negotiate with them and all of us participate in finding solutions.
Thus, the limits will be better understood by adolescents if:
Limits must be specific
The limits have to be clear and concise; there is no room for doubt. For this, we will indicate with each one of them what we expect from adolescents, both in the long term and on a day-to-day basis. In this way, confusion will be minimized and will be more likely to be met.
Set limits before they are needed
The adolescent can be given independence, but it must be indicated which are the lines that he should not cross. However, we must inform you about this before it happens. If we wait to tell him what limits he cannot pass when we are angry, in the end, what we want to convey to him will not have the same effect as if we make it clear before it happens.
Adapt the way you interact with them according to their stage of development
Not all adolescents have the same degree of maturity, so when we talk to them and explain things to them, we have to adapt to their stage of development. We will talk about why we have imposed such rules and let them join the conversation.
Do not punish, but rather limit privileges in a logical way
Giving children independence does not mean that if they act inappropriately, they will not have consequences. The consequences always have to be related to their behavior. For example: our son has gone out with his friends and has to return at a certain time, but 20 minutes from the time we have told him.
So, we can tell him that he will not be able to leave for three days, but we must not do it in an excessively repressive way.
Adolescents and independence
As we have seen, giving adolescents independence is necessary because they are at a stage in their lives in which they need some freedom, but always with clear limits that they have to respect. If you follow these tips when establishing them, surely it will be easier for you to carry the relationship with your child.
If despite that behavior problems and constant conflicts arise that you do not know how to tackle, it is best to contact a professional to help you.
