When Parents’ Frustrations Are Paid For By Their Children
Being parents is a radical change in people’s lives, and there is no recipe or secret kept on how to be a good father or mother. Thus, educating children is a very complex process in which, although we are right, we also make mistakes. And one of those mistakes is when the children pay for the frustrations of the parents.
Parents sometimes feel like they haven’t been able to achieve many things they dreamed of when they were young. What is related to economic, personal, family circumstances or an interrelation of these that, sometimes, prevent it. This causes parents to feel sad, disappointed or disappointed and unwittingly pay for it with their children.
What does frustration mean and why do we feel this way?
Frustration is a feeling that an individual has when they cannot satisfy a want or need. It is a feeling of anger or disappointment in the face of the impossibility of not being able to achieve a goal or a set objective.
Throughout life, people, as we have said, due to different circumstances, cannot always fulfill their wishes or objectives. And this impossibility of being able to fulfill our projects, dreams and wishes, personal, family, work or professional is what causes frustration and, with it, a state of mind full of negative feelings.
So, it is clear that nobody in this world can achieve everything that is proposed and we all go through one or another existential stage through one or more frustrations. Moreover, many adults carry throughout our lives some frustration of something that we could not be or do when we were young. And the problem is not being able to positively manage all these negative feelings.
Children are not to blame for parental frustrations
There are many situations in the life of an adult that can be frustrating. And, with it, feelings of sadness, sorrow or disappointment and, in addition, attitudes of anger. For example, the following situations:
- Not having time to do what we like (sports, DIY, being with friends or traveling).
- Living in a city, town or place that we do not want.
- Working on something we don’t like.
- Having studied a professional career or having a job very different from the one we really would have liked.
- Feeling that you do not have enough money or that you have many expenses.
- Having problems within the relationship or marriage.
However, in no case are the children who must pay for the frustrations that all these situations cause. They are not to blame for anything, neither for being there, nor for demanding time and attention, much less for needing love and affection.
You will be or have everything that I could not be or have …
Often times, many parents believe that trying by all means that their children can do or be what they could not is a great show of love. However, to get a child to be a doctor or a footballer, or to dedicate himself to painting or acting, without really knowing what he really wants, is to project on him an unfulfilled wish and, therefore, a frustration.
With which, a show, in principle, of dedication and love can become a source of pressure for the children. When, certainly, our children should be free to choose what they want to be or do in their future life, although sometimes you gave a lot of what they would have wanted or wanted to be their parents.
How to prevent children from paying for parental frustrations
Parents must learn to manage and overcome their frustrations, and this means, in the first place, making them aware and accepting them. One way to do this is to talk about it, either with your family, with your partner or with a professional. In addition, it is important to understand that each person is unique and that we do not all have the same tastes. Thus, we cannot make our children unhappy and force them to achieve what we adults have not been able to achieve.
On the other hand, it is unquestionable that children demand time, and it is difficult for a father or mother to have their own time to practice a sport, to study or for a hobby or hobby. However, children are not to blame for their parents not being able to do what they like; it’s just a matter of getting your time and family life well organized.
In turn, the same happens with money and expenses, which are always a cause or factor for concern. Or the decision of where to live based on the children’s school or work. For this, family dialogue is essential to know the concerns and needs of each member and find agreements and solutions between all.
So, there are many situations and circumstances that we must live in our adult life and that, surely, not all of them will make us fully happy. Even so, the children are to blame for absolutely nothing and, as parents, we have an obligation to learn to manage our frustrations and, under no circumstances, should our children pay for them.
